Queer Dreams

This feels like a good time to say it – I’m queer AF. I’ve been for many years, but it took the pandemic to fully realize it and really dig into it. I’ve been feeling this coming up and out of me for years though – It’s almost been eating away at me.

It feels go to let it out!

I love to make changes in my life that feel positive. I don’t particularly love taking major steps backward when I can help it.

But I’m learning to see the beauty in that as I continue to work towards my goals. I’m leaning into my queerness, and letting it spill over into my professional teaching and performance life. I have a queer, horror comedy musical that is currently under review for a theatre festival later this year – THAT’S HUGE!

And I never would have written it if it hadn’t been for other things setting me back in some way. I had a major period of time this past year that really left me spinning tires and not fully aware of where I was heading or where I even wanted to head anymore. I felt very stuck.

But that lack of perceived forward mobility really helped me hunker down and put my creative energies into something that I had dreamed of doing for years. And now it’s becoming a reality!

I’m a dreamer – always have been. And I’ve only just recently felt comfortable with accepting that and GOING FOR MY DREAMS. It’s very wrapped up in coming out as genderqueer and accepting my own changes, my own growth. Settling into my identity. I’ve been thriving there – and I now get to start turning my attention on what comes next. Which is beautiful.

And scary.

So I’m really finding strength in my queer identity as I prepare for what comes after the pandemic starts to decline and we are able to go out amongst the people again. The more settled and strong I feel heading out, I can be more prepared for how I will respond to those who aren’t ready to come on that journey with me. It can’t be my entire job to educate people, but it is what I do for a living. So it does come fairly naturally.

I’m following my dreams so that I can really feel that I lived my life for what I hoped for, and still had room left over for others and THEIR dreams. I don’t succeed because some one else fails. (I mean, that can lead to some sort of success, but it isn’t the success I want) I want to live this life open and loving – able to be there for others. But I need to be focused on what I want and need too. Following my dreams is important in this stage of my queer awakening and I can’t wait to see what comes next.

So, my commitments:

  1. Live free and queer.
  2. Stay open to others and their stories.
  3. Take a break – give myself some time to recharge.
  4. Continue to focus on sobriety for 6 months – reassess when it’s necessary.
  5. Love more – especially myself.
  6. Follow my dreams and let them inspire what comes next!

❤ Kay Jay

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: