Hitting a Rough Patch

Good morning you beautiful human you! Unless this is a cat reading this. In which case, you beautiful feline you.

I’m having a really rough week emotionally. For about the last 10ish days, I’ve been feeling trapped, antsy, and on a trigger with my emotional outbursts. So much of it comes from the fact that I have been in nearly full-quarantine for the past year (Almost – It will be a full year next month)

And I’m getting stir crazy.

A lot of it also comes from the fact that it has been subzero here in the upper midwest for over a week, and we have another week of it to go. I’m trying to live in the here and now, and just hunker in and get cozy.

Because warmer days are on the other side, right?

Well, yes. However, because of our general response to this pandemic, we are still going to need to take precautions. Many of my favorite summer activities will need to be modified. I’m still struggling to think about the fact that I probably won’t be able to get together with friends over the summer.

And yet, I’m also trying my hardest to see it differently.

The vaccine roll out is gaining traction and has (at the very very least) a functioning and capable government behind it. I am genuinely hopeful that I will be able to be vaccinated by my birthday in May, and will then be able to go back to work in some capacity. (With a face shield and a mask for myself, and probably at least a mask for my students). I may even be comfortable with sitting outside with people this summer – maybe even in a public space. Again, distanced with a mask.

I’m not alone in this. I know that. AND I needed some time after finishing my thesis and my Master’s on the whole to recharge my social and mental batteries and work towards new projects for the other side of this pandemic. And I had that time. And now my batteries have been left on the charger for too long – I’m building up too much energy and it’s starting to actually exhaust me and make me feel both ready to burst as well as ready to go back to bed the moment I wake up.

So that’s where I’m at. I know that there are a number of ways I can take care of myself and feel whole and like I have connections. I can make it through this. Even if it’s another 5-6 months.

I just hope that the next path doesn’t keep getting moved farther down the line.

❤ Kay Jay

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