Kay Jay’s Late!

Well y’all, looks like I FORGOT about finishing my post for yesterday. WHOOPS!

The horror! The abject failure! I’M TERRIBLE!

…..

Yeah.

That’s how I tend to think. And I am working to change that.

I spent a good many years feeling like the only way I could be worthy of love and care was to never mess up. Never inconvenience anyone else. Never be late. Never forget.

Never ever ever ever fail.

HOW EXHAUSTING IS THAT??

I mean really. I am rocking out so many of my personal goals. And I feel great. I know that I am still learning, growing, developing, etc. And I need to take that time.

My past experiences with failure in any capacity resulted in a shut down of my confidence. I felt useless. Worthless.

And sometimes that put me in full defensive mode. I felt so many conflicting things. I felt terrible for failing in the first place. I felt defensive about why it happened. I felt so awful about feeling defensive.

I was so tired all the time.

I’m finally finding ways to move past that. I’m finally discovering that my need to control people’s perceptions of me and my motives is so impossible to maintain. That’s the EXACT thing I don’t have control over. I’ve got to let that go.

And I am. Slowly.

There are a lot of amazing things in the works for my life as we move towards the future. I’m preparing for the possibility of more scrutiny over my actions.

And, as of right now, I say bring it on.

I’m ready to take more risks in my personal, creative, and professional life. And see where the successes take me.

And what the failures will teach me.

❤ Kay Jay

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