Dear Shim Sham and world,
I’m trying to so hard. SO HARD.
SO VERY HARD.
I am working to be a more loving and accepting person of those who I do not see eye to eye with. Those who may have beliefs or lived experiences that vary from that of my own.
And I personally think that I am making progress! I have taken a look at my own implicit biases, my own internalized self-loathing. My own racist thoughts, my inaction, my willingness to change. And I believe I have made headway on that in the past few years. And the work continues.
But recently, I am finding it harder and harder to find common ground with those who seek to destroy the small comforts I have found in life. Who are actively working against others like myself. Those of us who have found safety in their identities.
Some felt that it was harmless to vote a certain way, because they were voting for someone “anti-establishment” who would shake up the system. And then decided after four years that four more sounded like the best option. That is an aggression and violent act towards myself and many like me. Many people I love and care about very much.
Some continue to fight against progress out of antiquated fears surrounding morality, control, power, spiritual beliefs….And they are entitled to those beliefs! (However unwilling they are to extend that same entitlement toward myself and people like me). Spouting hatred is not a “value.” You are fanning flames near a pile of dynamite. It is an act of violence.
Some actively lie, cheat, and steal to maintain power and the status quo that continues to keep them in the social and economic standing that they have enjoyed for far too long without extending that same opportunity to others. Worse still, utilizing that power to continually undermine the rights and freedoms of others. Including myself and others like me. This is an act of violence that can beget more violence.
I am not writing all of this to get anger or anger others. I am writing this to continue my path of spiritual wellness.
I have continued (and perhaps misplaced) hope that we can build a better future. And I do not want to let others take that hope away from me.
But hope without action isn’t worth much. Particularly now.
My spiritual wellness journey this year and in the years that follow will include a continued effort towards understanding others. Finding connections, particularly now when connection feels so difficult and at times impossible. And this includes those who I do not find common ground with. Those who do not have the facts and follow movements blindly because they align with their narrow world view and experiences. I want to seek the goddess in everyone. I want to believe that people have the capacity to change as I have and plan to continue changing.
This does not mean that I am not paying attention. It does not mean that I am not taking stock of the actions of others. The ways in which their privilege overshadows their capacity for empathy. The ways in which their choices continue to undermine the lives and opportunities of others for the sake of their own so-called values.
I do believe in karma. I do believe in universal alignment and ways in which our actions cause reactions. And I am now seeing that reaching peacefully and diplomatically across the aisle may no longer serve me positively (if ever it did to be quite frank.) I am seeing people for who they are choosing to be, in light of easily identifiable facts and realities.
And some, including members of my own family, are choosing to actively work against my happiness, my successes, my opportunities – all for the sake of of a limited worldview they seem to have no interest in expanding. It is a price they continually make clear they are willing to pay.
So yes. I am seeking to see the goddess in everyone I encounter throughout this life. But some of you (and I certainly hope if you ever see this that you KNOW WHO YOU ARE) might have already used up all of the goodwill I have left for you.
And it is not in my best interest to continue all of this one-sided work. My physical and emotional wellness are at stake – and I am done compromising myself for you and your lack of empathy, your lack of willingness to change.
Again, I write all of this not to stir up anger or resentment within myself. Not at all. Rather, I am solidifying my commitment to myself and to my own spiritual well being. There is too much at stake. I have too much to offer others to continue offering it to those who I cannot reach and who have repeatedly shown me that my best interests – are of no interest to them.
See the goddess in everyone – whenever possible.
Except for you. And you know who you are.
❤ Kay Jay