Good morning lovelies!
I woke up feeling a little less than cheerful today. I think I just didn’t quite finish a cycle – but it left me feeling a little groggy and a bit punchy. When that happens, I have learned to take a moment and check my tone – how am I interacting with others, and do I need to take a moment and walk away? It’s one of several new skills I am building up to reparent myself.
I know that I have had trauma in the past that has caused me to struggle with conflict resolution. I am prone to feeling guilty when I have an interaction that I don’t feel good about. I am a people pleaser in a way that could be categorized as slightly (or incredibly) unhealthy. So in tandem with self-assessment of my overall emotional state, I am also working towards kinder interactions with myself. When something that I don’t feel great about happens, how can I both learn from the situation and treat myself with the love and kindness to help my inner child flourish?
As I have previously mentioned, I grew up in a home where praise was often in short supply, and critique was in high demand. I learned to change myself to please others, make a situation better and protect myself all at the same time.
It’s frankly exhausting.
I am not my trauma. It is a part of me and does have sway over my perceptions of my day to day life – but that doesn’t mean I don’t have the ability to move beyond that initial reaction and shift my perceptions. That’s what I’m working on moving forward. Owning my own experiences, learning and growing and focusing on kindly reparenting myself as I become more comfortable in my identity.
And with that – onto December’s goals!
- Reparenting and Shifting Perspectives
Mostly spelled out above, we’re working on kindness and self-love
Holidays bring out a lot of delicious sweet treats. I went through a period of time several years ago where I had mostly removed added sugars from my day to day and had sugary treats as, well, treats. This month I am focusing on getting back to that place again. I have been having headaches and breakouts on my face that I haven’t seen or felt in sometime. It started back in September when the Halloween Candy appeared. Much like my relationship with alcohol, sugar keeps me coming back for more! The easiest way to change my relationship with this (incredibly addictive) substance is to take a break for awhile. Being mindful of the foods I choose to purchase (voting with the dollar$) will help me there, and I am off to a good start!
3 – CELEBRATION
I am wonderfully adept at pointing out my shortcomings. It may be one of the things I am best at! (ha ha) And I want to get even better at celebrating what I am great at and what I have done WELL. (This is a wellness journey, after all). This month, I want to keep a log of sorts detailing where I have succeeded, done well, did great, overcame, felt amazing, etc. and so on! It’s time for me to relearn celebration of self, and love where I’m at right now while also working towards goals and improvements. It can be both, and I don’t have to choose one or the other.
** 4 ** Intentions
Let’s start right now! I laid an excellent foundation of new habits in November! I had great success continuing with my alcohol sobriety and I have been feeling much better! I also got on my mat every single day – even if it was only for 5-10 minutes. That has been so helpful to have that as a haven – I am diving into my mat and into my meditation for a period of time. I am going toward something – not dragging myself or running away from something else.
Now, for December, I want to get more intentional about my practices. What am I doing this for? Why do I eat the way I do? Why do I choose the activities I do? Practicing mindfulness and setting intentions go hand in hand. When I step on my mat, what am I hoping to get out of that time? What benefits are there to the dinner I’m making and how am I creating the dish or meal? I know it sounds like a lot to think about, and I know that it helps me feel connected to myself and the decisions I am making. I am not simply following a trend or doing what others say is best – I am making conscious decisions that I can pinpoint and feel awesome about!
So there you have it! My December is starting out great, and I am eager to see how I can continue to flourish as this month goes on. I have had a very strange, at times devastating, and in some ways incredible year this 2020 – and I want to end the Gregorian year feeling well about myself. Although my year did begin on November 1st with Samhain, I still live in a society amongst others who will celebrate the changing of the year in a month. I want to feel well when that happens.
❤ Kay Jay