A Samhain Eve Tarot Meditation with Kay Jay

Oh joy! Rapture! It’s here! It’s officially Samhain Eve!

You may not know this, but recently I have been looking into the Wicca as a form of spiritual connection. And as a part of this, I have begun to look at spirituality in a different light. I meditate differently than I used to.

And over the summer I discovered that reading my Tarot has become a relaxing and useful tool of meditation.

I do this in many forms and varying degrees of depth. Sometimes I use a single card to look into the day. Sometimes I do a 3-5 card spread. While I am by no means an expert and still use tools written by others (Such as the wonderful book pictured below Queering the Tarot by Cassandra Snow ©2019) I use this as a tool of self discovery. I hope you enjoy as I take you through my journey.

Today, I embark on the Celtic Cross Spread – which involves a full 10 cards. Each of the cards represents something to the querent (individual having their cards read).

The cards I pulled and their representations are as follows:

Card 1: Present : The Star (reversed)
– This card indicates that I have been through a rough patch. We can all relate. 2020 in general has been a roller coaster of hell and we are all just trying to get through it with our sanity. In addition, I have just completed my thesis, my graduate program of 3 years, and have been actively living as my authentic self as an out non-binary/genderqueer individual for the first time. I’m even writing an album of music about it! This card being inverted shows how all of that is true – and I am feeling fear and doubt of my rights and freedoms staying firmly in place. This election has a lot riding on it – and I will need to stay present to keep fighting no matter the outcome.

Card 2: Challenge(s) : VIII of Cups (reversed)
– I have some emotional decisions to make coming up soon about my life, future, career, etc. This is so relevant for me as a recent graduate who is also living my most authentic life. What sort of educator do I want to be? Do I go back in the closet and diminish myself to be seen as legitimate in the professional world? Do I enter in and show that people like me deserve a place in the system? Do I change it from outside and create my own thing? I have some difficult and powerful decisions ahead of me in the coming months.

Card 3: Past : VII of Swords (reversed)
– I have only just began to dig deep into myself to become who I have always felt inside. The oppressive elements of society, my past, my life circumstances – they really kept me buried inside of myself and I have been left to sift through it all and decide what’s mine. I didn’t feel safe being me for so long – and I still deal with that constantly. I will need to keep working on this as I go forward and be ready to fight for myself and against my past trauma.

Card 4: Future : IX of Swords (reversed)
– I. AM. SO. HARD. ON. MY. SELF. Seriously, I am. I have perfectionist tendencies and I work so hard to make things just so – which creates a streak of difficulties for myself along the way. I will not be defined by it if I keep working to move past it into something greater – I need to keep digging deep in therapy and self reflection to determine where it comes from and work THROUGH IT.

Card 5: Above : The Queen of Wands
– Fire, passion and determination on the surface. I get this card A LOT in my readings. I know I’m a queen, and that I feel good about the work that I do – ON THE SURFACE. I need to use this gut instinct about how wonderful I am to move forward and get what I need….while also remembering to take time to rest and take stock of what is important to me and hold people important to me even closer.

Card 6: Below : Page of Swords
– The Page of Swords tends to have a hesitancy to themself that really speaks to me. There is a logical nature to the sword suit that doesn’t always fit with who I am…I am more of a wand and cup individual at heart. BUT – I need to look inside and see the good I have already done for myself. I have given up drinking for my physical, emotional, and spiritual well being. And 40 days in, I am loving how I feel! I need to be able to take stock of the positive inside of me while I do the work to improve myself and my life. I have done so much – and will do more.

Card 7: Advice : IX of Pentacles (reversed)
– ENJOY YOUR WORK AND REST! I am enough and beautiful, I can revel in the positivity of my accomplishments and take time to rest. Finish the album I’m working and take some time away from the constant HUSTLE and SETTLE IN. I have stated before that I am a perfectionist, and sometimes I forget to enjoy what I create. The beginning of this new year with Samhain will usher in a time of more rest for myself.

Card 8: Influences : Ace of Swords
– This year is beginning with a TERRIBLE election cycle – there may be bad news to start the year after the festival this weekend. How will I take up the mantle to fight back, no matter the outcome? How will I continue to fight for myself if I suddenly start getting negativity for living as my most authentic, fabulously queer, nonbinary self? It may be time to take care of myself and others no matter the outcome of this election. But we can be there for each other and work TOGETHER.

Card 9: Hopes/Fears : The Hierophant (reversed)
– I don’t like the Hierophant. The card represents the oppressive nature of authoritarian, religiously based governments (think Europe in the Medieval period) It symbolizes control and power over others. I don’t dig that. However, since this card is reversed – to me it symbolizes my own autonomy and that I have my own path. I can stay on it. I don’t have to get derailed because others say so. I can band together with other amazing people and take care of myself to help me stay ready to take care of others. I don’t have to lose myself to that kind of control. And I won’t.

Card 10: Considerations of the Outcome : IV of Cups
– This is more of a warning of what may happen if I don’t take care and pay attention to the teachings of the rest of this reading. The IV of cups signifies isolation and feeling – well, sort of nothing. Even when you get what you want, you aren’t connected and don’t feel highs or lows. I am hopeful to be ready to accept what I get in this coming year, and live the highs and lows of the year and really indulge and engage in the human experience. I don’t want mundane neutrality – I crave more than that. And I hope more of us get to that place. This beautiful life we get is only worth it if we LIVE it. And to really live it we need to find the good and the bad and really LIVE IN IT.

So there you have it.

A Samhain Tarot reading to close out one year and look forward to the next. I hope that by showing you my meditation, it can inspire you to find ways to look inside and really take stock of yourself. This aspect of self-care and self-love is SO important. Especially in the current climate. We can be there better for others when we are open and willing to be there for ourselves.

Blessed be. ❤

~Kay Jay

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